Just The Important Stuff From Thursday's Apple Event

​It feels like it was only yesterday that we all sat through a three-hour Apple Event. But it wasn't. So Tim Cook is back on stage telling us about the best things ever. We're here to tell you just what you need to know.

As if it were possible to get excited about an iPad event, all the important details leaked yesterday — iPad Air 2 and iPad Mini 3. 

Apple Pay is a great way to confuse your local bodega clerk. It will allow you to swipe your NFC-enabled iPhone to pay for things at a variety of retailers. It begins Monday. 

OSX Yosemite is Apple's new operating system. It's basically a new way to organize your nude photographs and ask the internet trivial questions like “Do I have Ebola?” The main advantage is that it does a better job of syncing your digital life between your various iDevices via iCloud. This same basic feature has several smaller features called Continuity and Handoff, because why not?

Oh, and Craig Federighi thinks that "Safari users love tabs."

Apple will continue to sell all three generations of the iPad Mini and the iPad Air with reduced prices. If that sentence makes your head spin, hopefully the above image helps. As for what iPad you should get? Well, just get whatever you can afford. Our heads are starting to hurt with the combinations of storage, connectivity, and generation options.

Finally, Apple announced the long-awaited iMac with Retina display. The 27-inch display packs 14.7 million pixels, or 7x more pixels than your standard HDTV. It’s just 5 mm thin and has something called “organic passivation” which sounds like something a Park Slope therapist would diagnose in a child who refuses to ride their scooter. Whatever, it’s probably very nice.

Prices for the new iMac start at $2,499 and it begins shipping right now.

The Mac Mini also gets an upgrade, with faster processors, graphics, and two Thunderbolt 2 ports. The price will also drop to $499 and it’s shipping today.

That’s about it. Two new iPads, two new desktops. They’re all more powerful than before, and the iPad Air is thinner. OS X Yosemite and iOS 8 will work better together. 

It wasn't as exciting as the iPhone event. No new U2 albums in your iTunes. People probably won’t try to bend them. We doubt many will line up overnight to sell them on the black market. And now, we can continue living our lives.